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I’ve been reminiscing someone for quite sometime now, I thought it would just fade as it should as time passes, but this was more evident on Sunday as my friend and I went for coffee. As I was stepping out of the car I heard a song that I’ve learned to like because that person use to always listen to that song, I sat there I didn’t say a word. I blanked out everything surrounding me and concentrated solely on the song, my friend noticed it she said, “why did you all of a sudden get sad”, I said, naah, me sad??? Never, I was just listening to the song. I didn’t mention it as I came back to reality from my trance, I didn’t dear tell her the real reason since that just isn’t me. She is a very good friend and I’ve known her for about 3 years but I still don’t feel comfortable in reveling my I guess you can say “sensitive” side.

I guess someone can say that I live a double life, I have two personalities. The personality that everyone sees is the smooth down to earth person that has no worries and that is always relaxed and calm, the type that you can come to for a wise conversation, as long as this conversation doesn’t not involve me(myself) as the main topic.

I recalled an instance when this barrier was almost breached, I was doing mock interviews at my University for a whole week, and a couple of the ladies were charmed by my personality for the whole week as I spoke my knowledge about this matter. Well it was Friday and I was doing it for one more day when somehow the conversation shifted, and somehow I was beginning to be the topic of it all, as always I kept it smooth and kept it calm until one of the ladies dare to ask, Is there something wrong with you? Because the whole week you been this great enthusiastic person but today it seems that there is something wrong with you. I said to the ladies what? naah there is nothing wrong its just Friday and it’s early in the day, she said no it’s not that its something else, whats going on in that head of yours, I froze, Damn has my cover been blown? naah never in a million years, there was a lot of stuff going on in my head during that time, sad things I wouldn’t dare talk about so I kept a smile and I just denied it but I was at the brink of just spilling it out, but of course there was no way I was going down like this, so I casually said, ladies can you please excuse me for a sec, they didn’t make nothing of it. I stepped out to gather my thoughts; I’ve never been in this situation before especially with people that I’ve only known for a week it was weird, I drank water and relaxed and went back in.

I get back on my chair I cross my leg like saying, “You can’t break me down, not me”. I smiled and just blew it off, so I pled the 5th, I just said that’s personal and it isn’t important. The ladies were fooled so they said, that’s understandable and went on with our day.

That was weird, I don’t know why I acted like that, it was probably just a bad week, I don’t know to this day I have no answer to that.