Feeling Like Crap

Keep thinking about you I'm lost, I wont call you or try to contact you but man if I had one wish. All I would wish for is to be with you, I don't know why. I hate this so much, I can't concentrate, sitting here writing about you brings tears to my eyes. It sucks really bad, I'm in school now but it's hard to concentrate when you are on my mind. I make nonesence why should I feel like this...

I don't know what to do, its more evident now that my girlfriend isn't here... I know she doesn't deserve this but I can't deny it, I can't negate it it's what is going on in my head. Work sucks I hate it, I have an phone interview for a job in Texas if I get the job I'll take it to get out of this city. I hate being here thinking what are you doing this weekend I know you live in San Diego and you probably come here for the weekends................

I really hate writing about you, makes me sadden wasting time dwelling on the past.

going fucken swimming going to swim unill I throw up... naah don't think I can but I'll try.

Still stupidly waiting for you...

Glad to hear from you today

I had a dream of you this past weekend and today I hear from you on my AIM, I know its nothing but its a coincidence that I do hate. I was at work and as I saw you login on my heart started pounding, didn't know what to do or say. I was contemplating what to tell you but I didn't know. I wanted to be smooth and relax. I think I did good, only if you knew how happy you made me although it was only for a little time, I know its nothing and I'm being a fucking retarded for even getting happy since you did hurt me but I can't help myself.

Went swimming today and I swam hard the hardest I could to get you out of my head, as I was swimming I kept going faster and faster, didn't care if I was going to throw up. I'm tired now and got my frustration out so I hope this wont happened again.

I tried to get a hold of my girlfriend to get my mind off and feel safe but I couldn't since she wasn't around. If she was around I would feel a lot better but that's not the case... Now I wonder, why am I all of a sudden having dreams of you and thinking of you. I thought I was done with you. Ultimately I wish I can have another chance with you, I will not look for it since or maybe I would if I had the opportunity. I feel that you saw the side of me that people don't see.

The bottom line is I'm happy to know about you, I'm not happy to know that you have moved to another city and are looking to buy a house. That usually means that you are with someone and looking to settle down. Now these are assumptions and could be true or not, my mind gets the best of me when I get thinking.

Confused and distorted thinking of you.....