My Executioner that’s Who Put It There

I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep at nights here at my parents house, I get tempted to getting up and logging it but I having been able to because that would wake up my parents so I don’t dare to. I know the source of this, it is the thorn in my heart that has been left there, it has been lodged there for about 7 months. As I get closer to the holydays it is more evident since I can’t remember the last time I had an awesome Christmas. I don’t know the feeling of getting stab in the heart but I think I can imagine it. I can imagine a dagger or something of that sort penetrating my chest cavity and in an instant as the dagger penetrates my vital organ I get an immediate pain that takes my breath away. As if my heart is beating at its normal rate and in an instant it begins to beat at an accelerated rate. It beats so hard and fast that I can feel the pounding on my chest’s inner wall. This change happens in about a quarter of a second. I hate to get into the details of the cause since it is morning and the moment has passed, I’m sure one can imagine. I wish I was able to do it last night but waking up my parents isn’t a good idea.

I know I have depression I haven’t been diagnosed with it but I’ve researched the symptoms and they all seem to follow the same pattern. I hate hospitals, the temperature of them and their smell, I don’t dare to step into them for any reason whatsoever. I haven’t had a need to go since my health has been at its peak for a long time. Perhaps I should make an acceptation with the school nurse once the quarter begins but I am still debating it.

Every Christmas I make an unconditional wish, this wish I make has come true in some way or another in the up coming year, believe me it has. I don’t know my wish yet but I will know by the end of this year and I will make it a good one. Maybe I should use this wish to help my spirit get back to its’ normal state 7 months ago. This will be wasting my wish since I think I can overcome this disease on my own. I'll ponder this some more...